“and here is why…”

God, thank you.

Thank you for love. Not just the cliche’ word that it seems everyone is commercializing now– but the love that sacrifices its own life, its desires, its possessions, to see another life filled. Thank you for what Love means to me. What He’s done to me. How “love” has hurt me, and how Love has healed me. How in the midst of hurt, Love still calls me to forgiveness. how faithful You are–sweet unconditional Love.

God thank you, that I can see your light in the eyes of a homeless woman, who flashes a toothless smile at me like I’m her dear friend. But I am, I am her friend, because You are in her– and You call me friend. My church is a living body of believers, who are each valued as necessary parts of a moving, breathing organism. Not divided by race, income (or lack of), smell, appearance, etiquette, style, music taste, age, failures, addictions, or fears. I see and feel Love in their presence.

God, thank you that I deeply hurt when I see my brothers and sisters in the Lord who are hurting. I am alive. I am aware. I cry in the comfort of my home, ashamed of how I still don’t get it sometimes.   Your mercies are new each day, oh that is the song of my life!

Thank you Father, that my breath is taken when I try to even grasp the idea that I am a married woman, in a healthy, loving, beautiful marriage. A marriage of 2 lovers who are well aware of their call to selfless servanthood, surrender, purity, transparency, and unity. Only in You, Christ, has this been made possible.

Thank you, my King. That through my fear, you still see my deep trust in You. you are so worthy. always worthy.

(As I was in prayer, He led me to this verse. He’s so good!

I feel like David captures my sentiment, exactly, with this chapter…)

Psalm 138

A David Psalm

^1-3 Thank you! Everything in me says “Thank you!” Angels listen as I sing my thanks.
I kneel in worship facing your holy temple
and say it again: “Thank you!”
Thank you for your love,
thank you for your faithfulness;
Most holy is your name,
most holy is your Word.
The moment I called out, you stepped in;
you made my life large with strength.

^4-6 When they hear what you have to say, God,
all earth’s kings will say “Thank you.”
They’ll sing of what you’ve done:
“How great the glory of God!”
And here’s why: God, high above, sees far below;
no matter the distance, he knows everything about us.

^7-8 When I walk into the thick of trouble,
keep me alive in the angry turmoil.
With one hand
strike my foes,
With your other hand
save me.
Finish what you started in me, God.
Your love is eternal—don’t quit on me now.

and i know You never will….

Thank you.

“Fa real, fa real.”

it’s been too long, i apologize.

quick update! (lol)

so when i was missing waco in my last post, i was missing a little something else… the person i’d begun to fall in love with. i didn’t want to relocate and totally redirect my life for a guy, (even though he’s not just any ole guy!). So when i was in houston for those 5 months between summer ’09 and december, i made sure to focus on the other things that assured me i was making the right choice.

well i got confirmation, for sure. lol

Nazry proposed on May 13, 2010,  on the front porch of the place where our love was first sparked nearly a year before– the homeless shelter

we were married on july 31, 2010 (yep, 2 months later. i know, all the ladies out there are thinking i’m nuts!)

it was such a blessed thing- it was all that we dreamed and MORE!

we’ve been married for 3 months now (yesterday!) and are on our way to purchasing our first home [with the help of an incredible organization here, and the city of Waco].

we are very much committed to and invested in this city for the long haul. i am in the middle of my 2nd semester at Baylor University, pursuing my BSW (bachelors of social work), and then continuing on one more year for my MSW.

i am employed at…you guessed it… Mission Waco. in what department, you ask?…wait for it…. Youth! I also am the worship director of a brand new little hispanic church in south waco, pastored and founded by Gabe Dominguez (who is also my “boss” at Mission Waco, lol). Naz and i have been so honored to be a part of the humble beginnings of this little church familia!! Life Church just celebrated our one year birthday last month.

oh and one last (very important) part… Naz got me the most amazing Christmas present last year that i forgot to tell you all about…our baby Avery!! no, not a baby. lol. (darn near it!) she’s our amazing mini schnauzer. he raised her for a month before i moved here. for 5 months she was divided between our two homes, and now we are all one little happy family!! she is a constant joy to us.  (so smart, obedient, and sPoiLed!)

there are definitely MANY more details to be shared; but i’m “supposed” to be doing homework! i hope it excites you as much as it excites me to see that God works in such creative and precious ways when we take him out of our little box!

….will update more….

xoxo

Hope MUSTAKIM

missing you, Waco

i miss Waco like nothing i’ve ever missed before.

church, the body of Christ. the bruised and broken body of Christ. the bride that will be restored to perfection upon his return.

a church where the “church” IS the church, get it?

no one to impress, LITERALLY, come as you are. even if it means cut off shorts, a holey shirt, and worn-out flip flops, with your cigarette lingering on your lips.

ah, the cigarette. here go the arguments….

so it may be their addiction, their struggle, and we do not aim to glorify it. are we doing so by allowing you to walk in with it hanging out of your mouth? i think not. don’t we all have our own “cigarettes?” our struggles? how about the undetectible struggle with anger, lust, greed or jealousy stirring in the heart of the middle-aged professional sitting next to you. how about your own perversion and selfishness? is it not as addictive and damaging as that cancer-causing stick?

now i am not promoting cigarettes. i personally LOATHE them.
And it’s honestly my point is not even about those nasty little things.

i am only saying, who are we to judge? we allow the cocky, snide rich man to walk in our “church doors” with all his pride, yet we stop the smelly homeless man at the door and tell him he cant come in like that.

praise God, i have found a piece of heaven. i do not claim it to be perfect. i simply claim it as fully accepting with open arms the hurting and ordinary people of our lost, lonely world.

Learning Contract- Mission Waco Summer Internship 2009

Learning Contract- Hope Balfa

Key Points include:

1.Learning Needs         2.Goals             3.Methods & Resources            4.Achievements            5.Sabotage

Children.

1. I have a growing hunger for the opportunity to love on and reach out to children who are in poverty, who are being abused, and who are in dysfunctional families. I want to be the arms of Christ, to hold them and build relationships with them in the midst of their broken and chaotic home life. I’d like to be reaffirmed that this area (high-risk youth) is my calling and God’s career choice for me at this present time in my life.
2. To grow in compassion, love and understanding for children/youth in these circumstances, and learn more ways to facilitate successful conflict resolution between them and their peers. To teach them life skills and practices they will use in their daily walk. I want to learn more productive ways in mentoring a child who is breaking the generational curses and mold of failure that is on their life, rather than just pulling from my “personal experience” toolbox alone.
3. Spend time with McKenzie and Gabe and glean skills, experiences, and good practices from them. Really dive into the youth and street camp programs this summer with my whole heart. Build relationships with some of the youth so that I may be a blessing to them and also be blessed by them. Mentor and encourage these teens that they, too, can break the mold and be different from all their family and friends with God as their Source. Pray that God gives them renewed hope and vision that this hardship is a chance for an amazing testimony. Be someone who they can relate to, look up to, and model after (since the lifestyles of most of the adults in their lives aren’t what they need to emulate).
4. Confirmation of this specific call on my life, and encouragement and excitement about graduating and finally getting to work with high-risk teens. Having lots of fun and rewarding experiences with the youth this summer and walking away a more patient, loving, well-rounded [future] teacher. Having a heart that is broken for these kids, always praying for them. Observing things that I can bring with me into my teaching career.  
5. Becoming overwhelmed by behavior issues with the kids, and the task of keeping them “in order.” Forgetting that each one of these youth have a story and have pain in their lives, and that they simply need to be shown Christ’s love above all else. Seeing them as a project, and only feeling good about the relationship when I see obvious growth. Taking my time with the kids for granted and seeing it simply as a temporary summer job instead of an opportunity of a lifetime.

 

Hardship/Suffering.

 

1. I want to learn to not be overwhelmed by things like generational poverty, addiction and chronic homelessness, and the reality of how hard it is for these folks to get off the streets. I want to see the entire process involved in getting these people on their feet and back into a thriving, God-centered lifestyle as feasible and achievable. I want to learn and observe a program that is faithful at this call and endeavor, which will encourage me to be a part of this same type of holistic ministry in whatever city, state, and country that I reside in throughout my lifetime.
2. To learn the things that contribute to success(progress) in holistic ministry and the things that hinder participants from moving forward, so that I can gain a clear perspective of individual circumstances instead of seeing it as one big “shot in the dark.” I want to hear life-stories about failures and successes, and become even more hopeful about the potential for folks to come out on the other end of it flourishing and prospering (and how I can be a part in that process for them)
3. Research statistics relating to those coming out of poverty, addiction, and chronic homelessness. Find out why people suffer with these issues and what keeps them bound by learning more about these struggles/addictions/strongholds. Pray that the Lord give me hope and vision for these people. Spend time with Jimmy and Kathy, being encouraged by their heart for and belief in these people. Hear the stories of at least 5 men and women in the Meyer Center/MBK/Ark who have come out of these lifestyles and how they are thriving and how God has been faithful. Build a stronger faith in the Lord and His ability to meet people where they are at and truly deliver them. Begin to believe that most people really DO want to change.   
4. A stronger and more vibrant hope and confidence in the capability of someone to come out of their situation as a glorious testimony of God’s faithfulness (even in suffering). Not feeling overwhelmed by all the interwoven and complex bondages and strongholds, but seeing how holistic ministry really helps a person to begin a new life with a strong support system.
5. Seeing someone return repeatedly to their addiction and letting it be discouraging to me. Taking someone’s relapse to heart and believing the lie that, “they’re all going to fall back,” and, “it’s hopeless.” Focusing on the “facts” and statistics that reveal that very few will truly be set free (because of their own choice to not accept deliverance from God and walk in His grace daily).

 

Diverse Friendship.

1. It is easy for me to form relationships with teens and kids from poverty and dysfunctional homes like mine, but the relationships I have difficulty forming are those with youth and young adults from more privileged backgrounds. I need to learn to not shy away from friendships with people who have had a more sheltered and secure upbringing.
2. Give the same love and heartfelt consideration to those from all walks in life, including those who have come from a loving and healthy home. Instead of being envious or biased, understand God’s love for them and my call to love them, too.  See that not all struggles and hardships come out of an obviously dysfunctional and abusive home, and that everyone has their pains and trials. I would like to see that they, too, have a testimony of God’s faithfulness in their lives, whether it’s been an easier road or not.
3. Spend time with the interns, staff, and workgroup volunteers that I normally would stray from. Make myself open and vulnerable to starting a true friendship with them, not judging their motives. Be forgiving and understanding with their shortcomings, recognizing that we are all flawed. Go above and beyond to make them feel loved and cherished, and make an extra effort to communicate effectively and graciously with them.
4. Rewarding friendships and a more clear perspective of “life on the other side.” Greater love and appreciation for those with a different upbringing, valuing their diverse perspective. Patience developed as a stronger virtue and grace being more evident in me. Gain reciprocal relationships where we both learn from each other and are blessed by our friendship.
5. Intolerance for selfishness, lack of communication in conflict and offense. Shying away from interaction with people with more privileged financial circumstances than my own. Having the prejudice that they will be pushy and insensitive. Assuming that they have not ever fought for anything in their life and it’s all been handed to them, which would make them a shallow and conventional person.

 

Punctuality.

1. I am tardy… ALL THE TIME! If there is one thing I NEED to learn and develop this summer, it is punctuality! As a leader in youth, college, and worship ministry at my church, I feel that I need to set the standard – raise the bar – and use the incredible influence I have for good. I do not want teens and other people to see my tardiness and think that this is an acceptable habit. Tardiness is an issue I have struggled with since childhood- and it is usually a product of my tendency to over-commit and fill my schedule to the brim. College has really helped and forced me to prioritize, but I just want to make punctuality a permanent practice in my life.
2. Arrive everywhere 10 minutes early, or at the very least, ON TIME. Only commit to the things I am certain I can do, and learn to say “no”. Keep track of all my appointments and commitments using a calendar or similar tool. Encourage and reward myself (pat on the backJ) when I show improvement. Become even more of a dependable and reliable person (not just guaranteed to show up, but to show up on time).  Get a good night’s sleep because I am not staying up late, rushing to finish something due the next day!
3. Ask for the assistance of others and allowing them to speak into that area (as far as waking me up if they see I am oversleeping, reminding me of appointments if they notice I have forgotten, etc.) Utilizing a calendar book and keeping that with me at all times. Allowing others to and keeping myself accountable as to how I spend my time (staying on-task and focused).  [Side-note: Productivity is not a problem for me; the problem is that I usually have to produce things in a very intense, rushed fashion because of my procrastination or overfilled schedule.]
4. My punctuality will accurately represent my true care for the task at hand (since tardiness often looks like unconcern). My profile as a responsible and professional young adult will not be hampered by this habit that can be changed. I will feel good about myself being on-time, instead of feeling defeated and irresponsible.  I will be a better example to the people in my life who I have influence with. I will have more of a chance for a happy, fruitful day instead of one that begins with stress and failure.
5. Repeating habits of over-committing and poor prioritization. Becoming involved in too many things at once instead of choosing what is most important to me and what contributes to my personal growth. Becoming irritated with those who try to assist me and hold me accountable when they see I am slipping up. Giving up and accepting this as “just how I am.”  

WHAT I DO! [copied email to friend...]

yea im working with our inner city teens, kids, and homeless people. waco has a poverty rate of 27 percent as opposed to the average 13 percent in other american cities.
first thing in the AM, i go pick the teens up in a short bus ;P with a killer sound system!! lol. we feed them, take them on field trips, they play games on the huge bigscreen, they record demo’s in the studio, they shoot pool, etc. we know the competition we’re up against- the drug dealer father figures who will promise them safety and security and money.
well anyway after i bring them home, i go right away to our main office, jump in the car with our childrens director, and head to our street camp site, which is usually one of our 10 or so project housing complexes. we do a VBS-style thing with them. that happens monday-thursday and saturday. fridays is our intern meeting day. we go over things like our assigned book reads and scripture reading, we have a “friday forum” with one of the staff members and they educate us on different social/spiritual issues, we have lunch together…good times
then…lol…at nights i do different things- work at the homeless shelter, attend small group meetings, etc. besides our reading assignments and scripture reading, we are assigned to write devotionals/sermons…stuff!! its awesome.
i get the opportunity to see Jesus in the most unexpected places and people everyday. its humbling, empowering, stirring…ive attended a “life celebration” party for a man in the church with stage 4 cancer. i’ve attended a wedding at our church under the I35 bridge. ive attended 5 or so NA meetings with a friend thats been clean for 3 years and get to hear the inspirational stories of men and women who are struggling with addiction and/or who have been victorious and are conquering it.
There is so SO much more but i cant type it all right now!! more updates soon

Here’s the Deal

Hey there friends and family!

I’ll give a pretty detailed description of my days for this orientation week so that you all can grasp an idea of what my time here at Waco will look like, and then i will begin to phase out of that and just share some really special moments and revelations and experiences with you. thank you for reading!

After arriving later than expected in Waco, I was greeted by a lovely group of fellow interns (and karissa’s car that wouldn’t start at the Mission Waco office. We then drove to the “Intern House” and unloaded the vehicles. This house is old but still in good condition; i love the mysterious feel to it. Reminds me of the houses you read about with hidden doorways and passages. lol. Most of the girls had already arrived and picked their beds, and one of the few that were remaining was in a room that had the word “Hope” posted on the wall in construction paper letters! So I decided that must be the room for me! (this was some of the leftover decor from the house being used as the Dignity House for recovering women.) We loaded my car with 7 people and had dinner at Jason’s Deli. We had wonderful introductory conversation and many laughs!! After that we basically just went home and to bed.

Waking up at an ungodly 5:30 am was surprisingly easy for me (all who know me know that this is nothing short of a miracle)! I hopped out of bed after only 5 hours of sleep. We biked a mile and a half to the Meyer Center to assist with the breakfast for the men and women who slept at My Brother’s Keeper (shelter). It was our first opportunity to meet some of the people we would be serving and sharing our summer with. I have to mention that on the way there, i was navigating with my iphone and everyone was following me, until i decided that going the opposite way down a one-way road was ok (it was 6 am!). I then realized a block later that I was alone. my followers turned down another road! i began to doubt my direction and pulled over in an area that reminded me of the northside of lafayette, (or for my houstonians, think 1960 and 45). lol. but it was early enough where no one was around. i was afraid that i looked like an obvious tourist and lost little girl so i tried to keep my composure so no one would pull over. pulling out all my paperwork from my backpack to find the address was a bit obvious though! lol. i then turned back to my iphone and it led me in the right direction. heavenly tool! i arrived 10 minutes later than everyone else, and yet they were surprisingly cavalier. i guess they thought i took the scenic route!

After meeting the folks at the Meyer Center, talking with Anthony (food services director for MW) and cleaning, we biked another mile to the MW office to meet with kathy. since we were early we went next door to check out the World Cup Cafe.What an adorable place! i especially love the Fair Trade Market inside of it. There are so many wonderful gifts and treasures from all over the world in that little store! McKenzie (childrens program director) treated us to lunch after giving us a brief overview of the childrens program. we ate at a neat place called Food For Thought. good call mckenzie!

after lunch, we did more orientation-type discussion and reviewing rules and regs, and then the interns all collaborated and planned our chapel meeting happening later that evening at MBK (My Brothers Keeper). we went back to the house to nap and practice our music and then went to MBK. this chapel service was so sweet, informal, and it went so well. the men who attended were so receptive and open, and even shared their own stories with us! our topic was “praising God in the storm.” i shared a personal story about a time when i still praised God and trusted God in the midst of a grim situation (my father’s incarceration several years ago.) it ended up being something that God worked out for His glory and for the betterment of my father. after some worship and more stories, one of the men shared that he felt, looking back on his past, that God was with him even in the times when he was sinning and living a life of sin. he felt God’s presence with him, pursuing him. I told him that i knew exactly what he was describing because there were times as a little girl when i remember waiting at the screen door of our trailer, with my 2 little sisters beside me, for our dad to pick us up for visitations. it was so disappointing when our mother would tell us that he wasnt coming because he was “drunk.” it hurt so badly but i know for certain that i felt someone there holding me, wrapping their arms around me. (And I am so thankful for my father’s new walk with the Lord and his journey of recovery over these past 3 years.)

after the chapel, a man came to me and told me thank you for sharing my story, and that it really touched him. he said that he and my father were alot alike. he teared up as he told me that he, too, had 4 daughters and he used to “do the same thing to them” (leaving them waiting at the door). he told me that when i said that part, he “almost fell apart.” he said “thats something you just dont forget.” i could tell that this feeling of guilt and pain and that very real and vibrant image was something he needed to let go of, and forgive himself for. so i told him; i told him warmly and firmly that he needs to forgive himself because Christ forgives him, and to pray that the Lord move on his daughters’ hearts that they may be healed and forgive him, too. He needs to let it go so he can grow. it ended with more sweet conversation and a hug from him. I was so blessed by that.

I’m loving my summer already.

We went to dinner at a Thai restaurant (delicious!) after the chapel meeting. There i met a beautiful young lady, Jenny (wife of an intern), who i shared great conversation with. after a yummy dinner we went to Walmart. i bought more groceries that everyone else combined! lol. at least i wont have to go back anytime soon. when we got home i took a LONG shower (of course, i have a MOP on my head). i prayed that the girls didnt get agitated with me! i then went to bed late, again, and woke up at 8:00am today.

This morning we biked a mile to the MW office for more orientation. it was a bit overwhelming, to hear all the different areas that we can choose to intern in. we will be volunteering for 40+ hours a week, plus we have 3 books to read and write reflections for and discuss. also we have scripture readings that we do as a group once a week, and we must be a part of at least one small group from Church Under the Bridge. We also have a “Goals” paper due next week, and i feel like thats gonna take me quite some time. we still haven’t ironed out the details as far as chores and cleaning in the house. after a ton of orientation, we went to lunch with Gabe (youth program director) where he shared his heart and testimony with us. we had bar-b-que, which im not a big fan of. but im very thankful for the free lunch! we then had MORE orientation and discussion, tons of laughs, and then had dinner at Carlton’s house (staff member at MW) with some of the other staff and volunteers. What a blessing! We’ve already met so many sweet people. we biked .7 miles home to rest for a bit, and then left to come here- We are now at Common Grounds, an eclectic coffee house on the Baylor campus. i think im in love with this place! hopefully i’ll spend some time here this summer. but the way it looks, i may not have much down-time!

well, folks, thanks for caring enough to read my stories! i hope you enjoyed my first few days in waco as much as i have! I pray you are as blessed by my stories as I am by the real experiences.

(sorry for the lack of capitalization and sloppy punctuation. im trying to type as fast as possible so we can leave here and go to bed!)
And yes, I will post pics soon. Lol

love you and God bless.

Hopie